Peppers
Mrs. Ari: I was never put first. Ari: So Bobby Flay, who has as many house wives as he has chili peppers puts you first?
View ArticleTherapy
Ari (screaming at Mrs. Ari who’s leaving the couples therapy session): So you’re just gonna walk out on me!? (To therapist): Bill this one to her.
View ArticleBro Code
Ari: I guess the bro code’s out the window when you’re fucking someone’s wife.
View ArticleGold vs Wolf
Ari: She gets to hang with the wolf man. Provided he keeps his shirt on. He has four percent body fat, daddy has five. Tell mommy, Daddy’s been working out.
View ArticleDepends
(Ari asks Babs for 11 million dollars to repay his wife) Barbara: Cash flow is not ideal right now. Ari: Then float me, you probably have enough in your Depends.
View ArticleGrill master
Ari: Yo, grill master. Are you in my house? I’ve got a new show for you. It’s called ‘Boy Meets Husband Who Kills Him!’ Mrs. Ari: Ari! Bobby: I’m not hiding, Ari. Ari: Well you should.
View ArticleSpecial Johnny
Ari: Vince Chase wants this for his brother Johnny. Now we all know that Johnny Chase may have limited talent. But, like a child with special needs, a real family member will stand by his side. A real...
View ArticleMotivate the Losers!
Ari: I don’t want to bring your energy down so go and tell my people what it’s like to control 350 pound men who are usually carrying firearms. Motivate my losers!
View ArticleAri’s Gay Son
Lloyd: I’m family too, aren’t I? Ari: You’ll always be the gay son I never wanted – yes Lloyd.
View ArticleIt’s Your Turn Now, Lloyd
Lloyd: How? You are my inspiration, Ari. I’m still learning to be more like you. Ari: No, you’re not like me and you don’t want to be. You’re fair and honest and you don’t like women.
View ArticleAnger Meds
Therapist: Why did you stop taking the anger meds? Ari: I didn’t think they were working. [smashes a picture of her cat] Ari: I’m okay to continue.
View ArticleDon’t Go Over
Ari: I gave you a hundred million dollars. You’re 15 million over. You AGREED to not go over. Vince: Because you said I couldn’t direct unless we agreed. Drama: It’s like when a girls asks you if you...
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